July 25, 2018

Well I’ve been gone a while. Didn’t mean for that to happen but whatever, here we are now so let’s chat.

For the past couple of days I’ve been binge watching Criminal Minds until I got bored and binged on some Anime. I’m not a huge fan of the fighting shows. I mean I’m a fan of Fairy Tail, NarutoOne Piece and of course Pokémon, but I tend to feel more at home with the romance series.

My love for Anime is embarrassing since my friends don’t watch it and I don’t watch a lot of different shows. Watching the romance kind of Anime is even more embarrassing because after I’ve finished a series or movie, I get so down about how lonely I am and wish that the stuff that takes place in their time would happen to me then I get into a little slump and I get deep into depression. So many emotions take place at one time it’s annoying.

Today I had a marathon of movies like Spirited Away, Castle in the Sky and this last movie I watched was Whisper at the Heart. If you don’t know, it’s a movie about a girl who ends up finding this boy and they fall in love. Not a good description I know but that’s basically it. Anyways what I find when watching romance shiz-nit is that I am the main character. All the awkward main characters ladies that seem to think no one will ever like them, they don’t pay attention to boys, they’re all about their future or school, they don’t care how they are perceived by people. Yes that is me. Because I am putting myself into the main character, I believe I’m the one falling in love and it gets me into this whole where I’m thinking that if it’s not an Anime show I’m never going to find anyone.

That’s it. That’s my whole entry for today. Short I know but I don’t have anything else to rant about. Uh yeah.

Ta ta for now.

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July 20, 2018

So last night I went to my very first concert. I saw Kesha with Macklemore and Ryan Lewis. IMG_2750.JPG

Um it was an experience. Not a bad one, it’s just I wasn’t as pumped as the other people. Most of the time I caught myself just swaying as I sang the songs. Don’t call me boring or whatever. I have my reasons for being a brick for most of the concert.

I love Kesha and I love Macklemore and I had a really good time singing to the songs. I don’t know why but when I see people sing their hearts out to songs they wrote themselves, I just think about how much I want to do that.

Like with acting, I have a strong love for singing and I want to one day be on stage singing my own songs. This is a little embarrassing but before I go to sleep I like to put on headphones and picture myself at my own concert singing the song or doing karaoke in front of my friends and being discovered by someone in the crowd. Yeah embarrassing.

It’s a little different from acting though because with acting I have a whole plan in tact to come out on top as the best actress in the world. Singing on the other hand, I get so shy and nervous and I get the thought of being made fun of for singing. Oh my gosh just I don’t know. I can’t make songs to save my life and despite the fact that I feel like it’s really easy to do and doesn’t need to be super complicated. Anytime I try to though I get annoyed because nothing sounds right.

Man I don’t know. Maybe I’ll get over it like with acting and one day be on stage. All I want is one song to be written and sung by me. I think I sing good and my friends who happen to hear me say I sing good, but yeah. I’m rambling and am not as passionate right now as I was yesterday. So catch me next time when I get down about not fulfilling my dreams.

Wait before we go I’m gonna do the fashion part of my blog thing. My outfit of the night was a checkered crop top from American Eagle Outfitters that I cut the straps off of to make into a tube top, high waisted black jeans with rips in the knees from American Eagle as well and a pair of black sandals from Forever 21.

For makeup I did my basic routine for the summer. I put on concealer, face powder (lol I don’t know), highlight, mascara and I combed through my eyebrows. Yeah that’s it. Sorry for the unrelated-ness of this section. Now I’m done.

Ta ta for now.

July 19, 2018

Wow I’ve actually written four blog entries. Well this one included is four. Not exactly in the structure that I want it to be in. I kinda want it to be like Jenna Hamilton’s blog on the show Awkward. I don’t really want to destroy people’s lives and go very in depth on how, what or who I’m doing (lol) but I want it to correspond with my day and I wanna be quirky and talk about my job and crushes and all that good stuff.

You know what I’ll start that now. Maybe.

I’ve got insomnia. If you don’t know what that means, basically I can’t sleep. Like at all. It’s a struggle but I get along pretty well. But the bad thing about it, despite having very little sleep, I get stuck alone in the dark with my thoughts. Sometimes they’re good. Most of the time they’re bad.

Tonight I got stuck thinking about my future.

I have a dream of becoming an actress. It’s kind of embarrassing and if I say it to anyone, I get told, “You shouldn’t try for something so difficult. Have a different goal to pursue because acting is a tough career to get into.” I know it’s tough but I’ve been wanting this for so long I can’t just stop what I’m doing and call it quits. Until I can actually say for myself that I have tried and won’t ever succeed at acting, I will continue on with my dream of being seen on the big screen.

I don’t know why I’ve always wanted to act.  I remember when I was little me and my brother would make little videos. We didn’t make a whole lot but it was something. The videos from my childhood are lost as well as my birth father and since it’s been so long, they are just a distant memory but something brought me back to it.

My freshman year of high school I joined the theatre class. I was shy and didn’t have any sort of background in theatre so yeah. Some kids took it for the credit but others took it because they liked to act. See I took the class to see if acting was for me.

It was an Intro to theatre class so we mainly stuck to books and projects that didn’t include acting. I remember we did one scene in class for a project. It had to do with the Bronx an I played brothers at the same times so really just one guy. I didn’t like it too much. I was pretty bad. It was my first time so I wouldn’t hold it against me.

Sophomore year we got to do more acting than book work which allowed me to experience more of what I want to do for the rest of my life. We had in class plays. They weren’t all that bad. I don’t remember them though but I do know I slayed. I was even labeled the ‘Queen of Second Period’ because of how good I had gotten. I was more confident and I didn’t hesitate to go above and beyond with my characters.

IMG_2735Oh junior year. I remember this and my senior year more than the other two. I actually tried out for my first play. I didn’t try out my sophomore year because I was too scared I might suck too hard and I think the play wasn’t a comedy which is what I am more comfortable with. The musicals are also out since I get stage fright anytime someone wants me to sing or if they so happen to hear me when I’m singing quietly to myself. This year they had the idea of producing ‘The Odd Couple’. They couldn’t decide if they should do the male version or female version but after tryouts they decided to go for the female version. I was pretty excited. It was my first play that people paid legit tickets for and I felt proud that I made into a small cast. To me being apart of an eight person felt like an accomplishment. I had a lot of lines even if I wasn’t on stage the entire time. I loved it so much.

image-1-1.jpgSenior year in theatre was my favorite year. I was a star. Everyone loved me and my acting skills were through the roof was so good. Not to toot my harm but toot toot. We had a senior night at the end of the school year and practically every college that was there to view incoming freshman asked me to join their theatre program. College I feel has tougher critics so I felt very happy to hear that from people I guess you could say are professionals. I got scolded one time for just doing comedy and was told to go outside my comfort zone and try out for the more depressing winter play that was about dying. I did and guess what? I got told I should stick with comedy. I’m offended but comedy is hard so I’ll let it slide. The play though that I did start in was A Midsummer Night’s Dream. I played Nick Bottom which I think is the main character because I was on stage most of the time and had a lot of lines. If you think our costumes look weird then you are right. This was the year David Bowie died so we did a tribute and made it all 80s themed. We even put in a dance at one point. I did so good in this play. My whole family came to this one, my mom saw it twice and even my brothers who make fun of me for having this dream were very proud and loved the play. I got rando parents and kids to come up to me saying I was magnificent. I even got an award for best leading female role. Like I was so stinking proud of myself for going above and beyond with this ish.

Acting is such a big dream for someone from Indiana but I truly believe that I can make it. I mean there are those few people who are absolutely dreadful at acting and they have a lively career in this industry so if they can make it, maybe I can. I won’t know until I try though.

It’s annoying to hear my relatives and sometimes my friends tell me I should try for some other career. I’m not only a journalism major because I like writing, I’m in this major because I want to make my family happy by having a plan B if the acting stuff doesn’t work out. It wasn’t until my first semester of sophomore year that I added a theatre minor to my education. I was told the only way I could perform on campus was if I had a major or minor in theatre. I feel like that’s stupid seeing as some of the cast members in the past plays are kids and old people from outside of the school. Who am I to argue with, right? I wanna at least be in one production before I graduate in two-ish years.

I even have a whole plan for after college involving me and my roommates moving to New York so that I can pursue an acting career. I chose New York because it’s closer to my hometown than California and I also don’t want to be stuck on Disney Channel. Their shows have gone downhill these past couple of years. Also also, in New York I’ll get the chance to be the Rachel Barry of theatre and maybe be in a show or two. Which will hopefully lead to producers being in the audience and uh will eventually discover me and ask me to star in their movies or whatever. I’ll hold down a job at a fashion magazine and will do acting in my spare time until I become a STAR.

Okay I’m down my life rant is over. Not really a rant but who cares. I don’t think I’m going to make up titles anymore. I don’t know how to make catchy titles so from now on it’ll just be the date.

Ta ta for now.

 

 

Insecurities

Today I had a interview at American Eagle. It was pretty good. I think I did okay but before hand, when getting ready, I got a little stressed and somewhat depressed.

I’m a pretty chunky young lady. At five foot three, I weigh a tremendous 200 pounds. Pretty, pretty chunky. I try to stay away from mirrors when I’m nakey but that gets hard. I look at myself and I measure myself up to the rest of the skinny world and I like to pick at myself. I look at my flaws and repeat them over and over in my head thinking there won’t be an end to my fat days.

I get a lot of compliments from people saying that I shouldn’t let myself down like I do. They say I have a nice body and I’ve got curves that others would want. Buuuuut no. I’m medically labeled as obese, my stomach is larger than my booty which looks weird since my hips are wide and should support a bootylicious booty but sadly currently supports a tiny tush. That doesn’t look right in my opinion. It’s so hard to lose weight though.

Ever since I was little, I was fat. I’ve struggled with loosing weight but gaining it was pretty easy. Even if I didn’t eat anything, I would gain a couple of pounds. Freshman year of college I had problems with my gallbladder which caused me to basically quit eating for a couple of months. I lost maybe 25 pounds. Not a good way to lose weight but I was happy. Well until I gained it all back and went right back to being 200 pounds. First semester of sophomore year I lost 30 pounds and was so happy thinking I was on track but by the time second semester came around I had gained alllll of that back. Junior year is finally upon us and I am willing and ready to take on the task of losing weight once again and hopefully I’ll actually get down to where I want.

This picture right here is from a couple of years ago. Not super recent but I look exactly like this right now.

As soon as I get to school I will bring forth my all to lose 60 pounds. I keep getting told by my mom that I shouldn’t try and lose that much since I am technically a thick lady. I’m not really going to listen to her but if I get down to where I’m comfortable with myself I will stop.

I don’t think I’m going to slack this time. I’ll be doing this fat pact with my roommates. Our fat pact is we all diet together and go to the gym together. There will be no traces of junk foods in our apartment. If we want to cheat we do it at the same time. Anytime someone wants to cheat they just let the group know and we plan a day to eat like little pigs.

Since I haven’t done any sort of losing weight currently, I shall weight until school to keep you updated. Until then.

Ta ta for now.

New Ambitions

I get bored. You get bored. We all get bored. In my spare time I watch shows on Netflix until I pass out. When I get bored I re-watch a show on Netflix until I pass out. I don’t live near my friends and this past summer I didn’t have a job so Netflix has been my bestfriend for the past couple of months. It gets a little depressing because obviously I don’t really do anything but lay in a bed, eat popsicles and watch the same series over and over.

Last summer I thought of the splendid idea of becoming a Youtuber. It doesn’t seem like it but I’m a pretty interesting person who would be fun to watch. The problem was that I wasn’t confident in talking in front of a camera and being from Indiana, carrying around a camera even if it’s just around your friends is just embarrassing. Not to mention the fact that my little hobby wouldn’t have any sort of audience and with no audience it just seems pointless to others to continue on with making videos.

A semester later, I was looking at what I needed to put in my journalism portfolio for school. I saw that YouTube videos was on the list of things that could be included in the portfolio. I was kind of happy to have an excuse to start making videos again but the problem with that is that I’m a journalism major with a concentration in magazine media.

Don’t know if those words needed capital letters but that’s not the point, the point is I don’t have an excuse anymore. But, and that’s a huge but, I thought about it and I’m going make videos. I mean the online presence is real and there is a possibility that I’d need to you know make a video and edit it right? Yeahhh.

Anyways I’ve begun making videos. I’ve made maybe a total of ten videos but I’ve probably deleted five of them since they suck. It’s a working process but I’ve gotten more and more comfortable in front of the camera despite the fact that I haven’t edited the last five which also means I haven’t posted them either. Again a working progress.

I have posted three of the five that I have deleted but I was embarrassed by them and with less than ten views on all of them, I got a little insecure. I don’t care about the views really but I feel that if I want to show to show my friends I’d wanna have a lot of views or at least 50 to make it seem that what I’m doing is good and not a waste of time.

For now I will focus on actually on making content before worrying about anything else. Maybe if I work hard enough I’ll end up like Emma Chamberlain with close to three million subs.

Ta ta for now.

Diary of a College Student

Hello my name is Gabby, I am 20 years old and I’m an addict. I’m addicted to dairy products, shopping, makeup, money and lists apparently because I’ve made two in the first uh well two sentences of this paragraph. I’m a self-proclaimed photographer and writer. When I say photographer I mainly mean selfies taken in front of my full body mirror with my phone covering my face in almost all of my pictures. I mean I got of pictures in my inventory that I will label loosely ‘professional’ but we can’t count that really since it is just me and they are taken in my bedroom.

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Not bad but I’m working on it. Writing on the other hand I can definitely say I am a professional at. I haven’t really published anything unless you count random class assignments or the articles in my high school’s paper. I write all the time and it’s perfected every time a press a key.

I keep rambling on about nonsense and I haven’t even gotten to the point yet. SOOOOO here we are. I am starting a blog ladies and gentleman. It’s not exactly new. This was started back in my junior year of high school and I’m going to start my junior year of college and I’ve written maybe two articles and deleted both but now I declare this blog officially open right….nnnnnnnnnooooooowwwwww.

With the two articles, I’ve tried two different concepts. One was for advice on preparing for college and would continue on in college helping incoming students better understand the goings on of a university. The second concept was a fashion column that would contain advice on what to wear, DIYs and some other rando junk. Now that I have started this thing back up I feel the most appropriate thing to do for my last and final concept is to combine the first two.

So getting onto the main point of this passage. I am starting a blog that will be about my daily life as a college student. It’ll be more like a diary instead of completely being an advice column for college students coming in. It’ll contain everything, well mostly everything happening in my life. I’ll document my fashion statements for the day, I’ll maybe rant on a topic or two. Yeah I don’t know exactly what will be in it but I assure you we will be super close by the time this thing is done.

Hopefully this concept lasts longer than my explanation of this whole thing. I’m gonna try to write on here as much as I can.

Until next time.

XOXO, Gossip Girl.

lol jk bye