Wow I’ve actually written four blog entries. Well this one included is four. Not exactly in the structure that I want it to be in. I kinda want it to be like Jenna Hamilton’s blog on the show Awkward. I don’t really want to destroy people’s lives and go very in depth on how, what or who I’m doing (lol) but I want it to correspond with my day and I wanna be quirky and talk about my job and crushes and all that good stuff.
You know what I’ll start that now. Maybe.
I’ve got insomnia. If you don’t know what that means, basically I can’t sleep. Like at all. It’s a struggle but I get along pretty well. But the bad thing about it, despite having very little sleep, I get stuck alone in the dark with my thoughts. Sometimes they’re good. Most of the time they’re bad.
Tonight I got stuck thinking about my future.
I have a dream of becoming an actress. It’s kind of embarrassing and if I say it to anyone, I get told, “You shouldn’t try for something so difficult. Have a different goal to pursue because acting is a tough career to get into.” I know it’s tough but I’ve been wanting this for so long I can’t just stop what I’m doing and call it quits. Until I can actually say for myself that I have tried and won’t ever succeed at acting, I will continue on with my dream of being seen on the big screen.
I don’t know why I’ve always wanted to act. I remember when I was little me and my brother would make little videos. We didn’t make a whole lot but it was something. The videos from my childhood are lost as well as my birth father and since it’s been so long, they are just a distant memory but something brought me back to it.
My freshman year of high school I joined the theatre class. I was shy and didn’t have any sort of background in theatre so yeah. Some kids took it for the credit but others took it because they liked to act. See I took the class to see if acting was for me.
It was an Intro to theatre class so we mainly stuck to books and projects that didn’t include acting. I remember we did one scene in class for a project. It had to do with the Bronx an I played brothers at the same times so really just one guy. I didn’t like it too much. I was pretty bad. It was my first time so I wouldn’t hold it against me.
Sophomore year we got to do more acting than book work which allowed me to experience more of what I want to do for the rest of my life. We had in class plays. They weren’t all that bad. I don’t remember them though but I do know I slayed. I was even labeled the ‘Queen of Second Period’ because of how good I had gotten. I was more confident and I didn’t hesitate to go above and beyond with my characters.
Oh junior year. I remember this and my senior year more than the other two. I actually tried out for my first play. I didn’t try out my sophomore year because I was too scared I might suck too hard and I think the play wasn’t a comedy which is what I am more comfortable with. The musicals are also out since I get stage fright anytime someone wants me to sing or if they so happen to hear me when I’m singing quietly to myself. This year they had the idea of producing ‘The Odd Couple’. They couldn’t decide if they should do the male version or female version but after tryouts they decided to go for the female version. I was pretty excited. It was my first play that people paid legit tickets for and I felt proud that I made into a small cast. To me being apart of an eight person felt like an accomplishment. I had a lot of lines even if I wasn’t on stage the entire time. I loved it so much.
Senior year in theatre was my favorite year. I was a star. Everyone loved me and my acting skills were through the roof was so good. Not to toot my harm but toot toot. We had a senior night at the end of the school year and practically every college that was there to view incoming freshman asked me to join their theatre program. College I feel has tougher critics so I felt very happy to hear that from people I guess you could say are professionals. I got scolded one time for just doing comedy and was told to go outside my comfort zone and try out for the more depressing winter play that was about dying. I did and guess what? I got told I should stick with comedy. I’m offended but comedy is hard so I’ll let it slide. The play though that I did start in was A Midsummer Night’s Dream. I played Nick Bottom which I think is the main character because I was on stage most of the time and had a lot of lines. If you think our costumes look weird then you are right. This was the year David Bowie died so we did a tribute and made it all 80s themed. We even put in a dance at one point. I did so good in this play. My whole family came to this one, my mom saw it twice and even my brothers who make fun of me for having this dream were very proud and loved the play. I got rando parents and kids to come up to me saying I was magnificent. I even got an award for best leading female role. Like I was so stinking proud of myself for going above and beyond with this ish.
Acting is such a big dream for someone from Indiana but I truly believe that I can make it. I mean there are those few people who are absolutely dreadful at acting and they have a lively career in this industry so if they can make it, maybe I can. I won’t know until I try though.
It’s annoying to hear my relatives and sometimes my friends tell me I should try for some other career. I’m not only a journalism major because I like writing, I’m in this major because I want to make my family happy by having a plan B if the acting stuff doesn’t work out. It wasn’t until my first semester of sophomore year that I added a theatre minor to my education. I was told the only way I could perform on campus was if I had a major or minor in theatre. I feel like that’s stupid seeing as some of the cast members in the past plays are kids and old people from outside of the school. Who am I to argue with, right? I wanna at least be in one production before I graduate in two-ish years.
I even have a whole plan for after college involving me and my roommates moving to New York so that I can pursue an acting career. I chose New York because it’s closer to my hometown than California and I also don’t want to be stuck on Disney Channel. Their shows have gone downhill these past couple of years. Also also, in New York I’ll get the chance to be the Rachel Barry of theatre and maybe be in a show or two. Which will hopefully lead to producers being in the audience and uh will eventually discover me and ask me to star in their movies or whatever. I’ll hold down a job at a fashion magazine and will do acting in my spare time until I become a STAR.
Okay I’m down my life rant is over. Not really a rant but who cares. I don’t think I’m going to make up titles anymore. I don’t know how to make catchy titles so from now on it’ll just be the date.
Ta ta for now.